It was about ten years ago that I found myself in a room listening to Stephen Fry talk about his experiences of mental illness. I was a completely different person then struggling with multiple demons, an eating disorder, depression, anxiety attacks, and very difficult family circumstances. I was listening to Stephen Fry because he was talking at an event where the aim was to raise awareness of mental illness and to make the topic a lot less scary and shameful. At the time I had a limited understanding of why mental health should not be taboo, but I did passionately believe it shouldn’t be. Over the next ten years I would learn to manage my own mental health and understand the complexities of the subject.
Despite a lot of hard work on the part of multiple charities and the media there don’t seem to have been many breakthroughs in removing the stigma of mental illness or targeted action plans to promote mental wellness. I am sitting here writing this with my heart in my throat struggling to say “yes, I have been there, I have been mentally unwell”, for fear of what it might do to my business. But I think the stigma remains because people like me don’t come out about having struggled and may not tell others that in some cases we still struggle. Mental illness, a term I don’t really like as it suggests something dysfunctional, it is so common that if you get a group of trainee counsellors or psychotherapists together you will find that a lot of them have suffered with a range of mental health problems.
In my view, people in the wellness industry should come out of the shadows and be open about struggling in order to normalise it. Those who have mental illnesses often struggle further because the wellness industry offers quick fixes, rosey images and depictions of problem free lives. We abnormalize so many things, including struggling, which makes it really difficult for those who are struggling to open up and do the one thing they need to: talk. It can often feel like a failure to be suffering from a mental illness, to turn down social events, to not be able to make breakfast or get off the couch for a tissue to stem the tide of tears rolling down your face, so the wellness industry needs to be honest about ‘perfect’ lives and come clean about the impossibility of being constantly spiritually fulfilled or happy.
I am one wellness person very much hoping that people come to Just Flourish and feel able to talk about any mental health difficulties without shame or feeling they won’t be understood. I once had a client with anxiety and I could see the trouble in her face as she struggled to tell me about it. I really wish I had taken this client’s hands and said “you know what, me too. I understand”. If you are reading this and you have a mental health problem, know that you can openly talk about it at Just Flourish and the chances are I will be able to relate to your experiences. It’s also really important that you let me know what is, and has been, going on for you if you are a massage client as massage has many benefits for mental illness (to be discussed in a later post) but it can also bring up strong emotions and I will want to know how best to take care of you.
I believe we get through mental illness by being with others and being allowed the space to talk and to be just as we are without judgement. I also believe that it is impossible to fully relax without full self-acceptance: in order to relax we must accept where we are. Part of accepting where we are is accepting and being open about every aspect of ourselves including mental illness. Acceptance doesn’t mean defeat, it means accepting that due to having extra difficulties we need to make adjustments to our lives. Acceptance means embracing the dark parts of ourselves (the shadow side) the parts we don’t like to show to others and the light. Good relationships embrace all of us, the dark and the light and listen to both sides.
I am not afraid of your emotions or your mental illness
When you come to Just Flourish you will be able to be as you are and be accepted. Mental illness persists for many reasons but one is because when a person needed acceptance most they were shown rejection. My drive with Just Flourish was to create a space in which people feel seen, heard and accepted so they truly have a space to relax; I understand from personal experience what it feels like to be stuck somewhere and feel embarrassed about crying in a space where you’re supposed to relax: you end up not letting go of any tension because all those emotions that should come out in a cathartic process stay stuck.
I want you to know this: I am not afraid of your emotions or your mental illness. You can come and cry on my massage table and I will hand you a tissue. If I can listen to you after a massage I will. If you find that you are triggered or uncomfortable in any way in a massage then your massage will end at your request. Part of the benefit of my past personal experience and training is that I am acutely sensitive to and respectful of our first boundary: the body. I understand that the body stores multiple memories over time and that touch can release them or can feel threatening, so I will always ask for your feedback during the massage.
I am 10-15 years from where I was when I was seen to be suffering from multiple difficulties. In part I self-healed using copious research to find out the best ways to manage my sensitivities. The journey was long because healing happens on multiple levels and I wasn’t aware until towards the end of some of the key factors in healing. My life certainly isn’t perfect; I must remember to do the things that help keep me balanced like yoga, dance, massage, emotional check-ins, and getting out into nature to fend off both depression and anxiety. Mindfulness and staying in the present revolutionised my approach to life when I understood that it could be done anywhere, and learning not to be ashamed of emotions was another huge part of recovery.
I now understand recovery and wellness as processes that are multifaceted and ten years after that speech I run my own business. I didn’t just magically get here: I read a lot, worked hard, failed lots, sabotaged myself a lot, ended up on the wrong path and then I arrived at Just Flourish. In Just Flourish, in my company’s (and my own) values and aims, is the long journey I took, the knowledge I acquired to move towards flourishing in spite of difficulties. My desire for everyone to flourish regardless of circumstance was born of my own struggles, which allow me to embrace you in a safe, compassionate space where you can relax without fear of judgement.